It's not easy being green

The BBC published an excellent article by George Meyer (a writer for the Simpsons) that produced great waves of empathy within me. (article edited)

I'm an animal lover who wears leather shoes; a vegetarian who can't resist smoked salmon. I badger my friends to see the Al Gore movie, but I also fly on fuel-gulping jets.

Great clouds of hypocrisy swirl around me.

But even a fraud has feelings. And this summer, I'm feeling uneasy; I'm starting to think that our culture's frenzied and mindless assault on the last shreds of nature may not be the wisest course.

True, when you go for a stroll on a Sunday afternoon, nothing seems amiss. But as we know from horror movies, that's exactly when the giant alien embryos come blasting out of the sidewalk.

We're melting the ice caps, ripping up the rain forest, and vacuuming the oceans of everything that wriggles.

Since I went on my first date in high school more than 200 species of frogs have disappeared forever. Recently, polar bears and hippos were added to the threatened list. Polar bears! Hippos!

Are we really gonna wreck the whole planet? 'Cause that's a big move. That's like something a crazy stripper would do.

I know, plenty of people aren't worried. Technology will bail us out. Nothing a few pollution-eating nanobots can't fix. And if the ecosystem does collapse, we can always load ourselves into enormous rockets, and make a fresh start on Jupiter.

But here's the thing: I don't want to move to Jupiter. I don't even want to move across town. Precious knick-knacks would get broken; I'd have to order new stationery.

Once in a while, humanity will pull together for a noble cause, like tsunami relief. To save our planet, we'll need that kind of heroic effort, in which all types of people join forces for the common good.

No, really, I'm serious. For years, the environmental movement has enlisted the world's most selfless and enlightened souls. No more. We're broadening our sights; and by broadening, I mean lowering.We will now accept:

- Ignoramuses
- Poseurs
- Backstabbers
- Know-it-alls
- Opportunists
- Busybodies
- Hypocrites
- People Who Talk a Good Game
- Total Nutjobs

It's wide open. If Michael Crichton ever comes to his senses, we'll even take him. He's a big fellow, maybe he can lug around pamphlets or something. So join us. We won't judge you. If you are not currently choking a panda, welcome aboard!
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